"So, we found TotalBiscuit’s house. And it’s strange, ‘cause it’s as barren and lifeless as his soul, yet people are attracted to it! It’s very weird! Also, there’s an amusement park in the background, apparently. Just like TB! He’s all business up-front, but a party in the back. That’s how it works! I guess I’m saying TB is a walking mullet!" — Jesse Cox in London

(Source: youtu.be)

Favourite People of 2012: Jesse Cox & Crendor (JesseCox, WowCrendor)

These guys have such a good chemistry together, that it’s impossible not to like them! Plus, Jesse’s seemingly constant confusion and infuriation because of Crendor is pretty damn funny to me! Sorry, Jesse!

Good quality videos and podcasts, with entertaining, charismatic people are always gonna be a winner for me. And with their daftness, Jesse and Crendor never fail to deliver!

mortimernecromancy:

Every episode of TotalBiscuit and Jesse Cox’s playthrough of Terraria ever. 

Best Worst Analogy | TGS Podcast #28 

• Crendor: It's like if you're painting a wall, and you're painting it red. And then somebody just took a speck of blue paint, and it was just like, bloop! Everyone would see that speck of blue paint, and be like, "Whoa, it's different from everything else!" So it's like, if you're gonna be the same, you're just part of that wall. And if you're different, people will notice you.
• Jesse: That was the absolute worst analogy metaphor I've ever heard in my entire life. Like, "If you paint a wall red, and you paint blue on it..!" What it's gonna do is piss people off..!
• Crendor: But they're gonna notice it! It's just like Rebecca Black! Her music video made everyone angry, but she made, like, a million dollars! Listen, you can do what you want. I'm rolling with my Blue Paint Theory.
• Jesse: "My Blue Paint Theory"! I want you to write a paper on that! The Blue Paint Theory of Gaming.

The Revelations of Revelations 2012

Crendor: Oh, my god! Oh, my god, look at this one!
Jesse: Which one? Whoa, what is he doing?!
Crendor: I don’t know! It looks like he’s about to eat something, but there’s nothing to eat.
Jesse: He’s imagining it!
Crendor: He’s imagining a great feast!
Jesse: Then over here, you have two giant eyes. This is me after playing games for 12 hours! Like, “Oh, I can’t play anymore!”
Crendor: It’s all a symbolic message! The previous one is you’re hungry, but you can’t eat ‘cause you’re playing games!
Jesse: Holy shit! And this guy is smoking the wacky tobacky. ‘Cause see, look. This guy over here is like, “‘ey, man, I got some herb for you, to calm your eyes.” And he’s like, “Okay, brother.” And so he’s smoking. And this guy’s like, “Yeah, that’s the shit.” And then your eyes become red again because of the weed!
Crendor: And then you’re just freaking out like this guy!
Jesse: And then you become sad!
Crendor: And then you get super sad, ‘cause you realise your life is just depressing.
Jesse: Right? Oh, my god, it all makes sense now.
Crendor: And then you become this guy, who has a giant pepper nose. That means you go back to your normal job at Chili’s.

(Source: youtube.com)

Revelations 2012 

• Crendor: We should do a kickstarter to make the worst game ever created.
• Jesse: Too late..

Nelly Furtado | Terraria: The Next World Generation - P38 

• TB: I don't know where this guy's soul is, but..
• Jesse: Are you just not gonna stop till you find it?
• TB: Maybe I should ask Nelly Furtado. Oh, no, nevermind, she doesn't know where her soul is either!
• Jesse: Are you saying Nelly Furtado is soulless?
• TB: Well, she says, "I don't know where my soul is", so one assumes she's extremely forgetful, or actually a hell beast.
• Jesse: But she doesn't know where her home is either.
• TB: She's pretty useless then, all things considered! I thought you said directions and maps were for women?
• Jesse: But you know why? 'Cause she's like.. She's like a bird.
• TB: Okay. But only LIKE a bird, not ACTUALLY a bird.
• Jesse: *Sings* I'm like a bird..!
• TB: No! No! Please, god no!
• Jesse: I like how it took us that long to get to that song.

Eminem | Terraria: The Next World Generation - P37 

• Jesse: If there's Chaos Elementals, we are definitely in the D. That's what the hipsters call Detroit - The D. I learned that from Eminem.
• TB: What else did you learn from Eminem, if anything?
• Jesse: That, um... he threw up on his shirt. His mom's spaghetti.
• TB: Why did he make his shirt out of his mum's spaghetti?
• Jesse: Look, look, look, I dunno. He lost himself in the moment. He owned it. Or something like that.
• TB: Okay. But he still threw up on his mum's spaghetti. Or something.
• Jesse: He was nervous!
• TB: And?
• Jesse: His palms were sweaty!

Katrina's Are Trouble | Saints Row the Third Finale 

• Jesse: (Killbane's) got a pretty nice plane, though!
• Crendor: Wonder if he has hoes named Trina on it.
• Jesse: Chances are, he does! Spoiler alert: If your name is Trina.. Unless it's Katrina. Even though, Katrina.. I'm pretty sure, yeah.. No, if you're a Katrina, you're trouble.
• Crendor: Everybody named Katrina just gets related to hurricanes.
• Jesse: Yeah, it's an easy go-to joke. Like, "Oh, she crazy! No wonder they named a hurricane after her!"

Perfect Sandwich | Saints Row the Third P52 

• Crendor: If you had to make a sandwich, and it was the last sandwich you'd ever eat, what kind of sandwich would it be?
• Jesse: Uh, it would be a sandwich made of two 18 year old strippers. And it would be... made of stripper, and chocolate sauce! A stripper and chocolate sauce sandwich! You're welcome, internet!
• Thanks, Jesse! (: 

EXAGA-REAL | Saints Row the Third P52 

• Zhen: We've got one more scene to film, and this one's gonna be so over the top, I'm coining a new phrase for it; Exaga-real! I don't wanna spoil the surprise, but trust me, you'll kill it!
• Jesse: That was pretty exaga-real.
• Crendor: Your mom's exaga-real!
• Jesse: My mom is a nice lady!
• Crendor: I never said she wasn't. I just said she was exaga-real!
• Jesse: You're exaga-real.
• Crendor: ...Maybe I am.

"So, there’s “noon”, “morn”, “night”, and “eve”. All sound like sci fi character names. “They call him Night-Eve.. And Noonmorn. Together they form the sci fi team of.. Day Three!” See? Easy. I could be a sci fi writer." — Jesse Cox playing Recettear.

(Source: youtube.com)

Inde-loser | Political Machines Rematch 

• Jesse: Fund raise, New York! Yes... Yes, wealthy people, raise funds!
• Crendor: It doesn't matter, I'm gonna win the Independent there!
• Jesse: You are no Independent. You are an Inde.. loser.
• Crendor: It's not true!

Rap Master Crendor | SR3 End Splash Screen 

• Jesse: *Raps* And everybody's like "wiggidy-wow! Who's that little kid on stage, going, "pliggidy-plow"? I'm like, oh my god! They gave her go-go juice. I don't know, 'cause it's in a caboosch. He's like, "Oh my god! I ain't honey boo-boo child!" And everyone's like, "Shit, that's.. That is unhealthy for that little girl. You probably should not be.. be giving her those."
• Crendor: *Raps* Yo, that was probably the worst rhyme of all time. But I'll give it up to you, 'cause it's about the honey boo-boo. And you don't know that I got coffee, that's left in this cup. But it's not enough, 'cause I want more. Gotta go to the store, but it's pretty far away, and it's 1am, so I'm like, "F it".

Oh, Jesse... <3 | Saints Row the Third P49 

• Jesse: I'll kill people who are here waiting for us. How dare you wait for us to win! Why not help us, Nerdlinger? ...And F. I said, 'And F'. It won't let me F them!
• Crendor: Just like women...
• Jesse: This game is like a woman - it won't let me F it... F!
• Crendor: ..NO! AH, YOU DICK!
• Jesse: Who's getting F'd now, hm?! Wait, n- Shut up.